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ATTENTION THE FIRST “D”

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ATTENTION

THE FIRST “D”

The D, the DEFICIT, refers to the defifit of ability in the forebrain to manage the high traffic volume produced in the midbrain; an inability to selectively focus on a particular stimulus because attention is distracted by competing stimuli.

The H, the HYPERACTIVITY, refers to the busy busy busy brain.
A midbrain brain like sponge, soaking up stimuli, expanding faster than the forebrain can manage; generating thoughts and reactions so interesting they become distracting. The interesting thoughts compete for focus and you attention turns inward. It’s great when you go there to shut the world out,
as long as you remember how to get back.

My blog: Understanding of ADHD in Adults is based on me, Beth Battinelli, and my own adult ADHD, how I understand ADHD, how it shows up my life, and what it is like sometimes. Disorderd.

When I am interested, I loose track of time.
When I am really focused, minutes turn into a hour. Or more.

When am I bored, I watch the clock.
When I can’t focus, time seems to stand still.

I am impatient.
Others think too slowly.

I complicate things just to make them interesting.
I get tired and leave a mess.

I take in a lot of information at once.
I forget what the goal is, I loose the point.

I go off on tangents.
I loose perspective.

I daydream
I get lost in thought..

I run on empty.
I exhaust myself.

I squirm.
I sigh

I doodle.
I dawdle

I think too much
I talk too much

I interrupt.
I forget why.

I can’t stop.
I can’t get started.

I love my ideas.
I dislike all this.

I dislike me.
I feel like a looser.

I feel bad some days.
Somedays I can’t remember that I ever felt good

I forget to eat.
I eat too much.

I can’t get anything done.
I think things have to be perfect.

I waste a whole day avoiding a task
I can only get done if it’s the last minute

I feel good some days
I eat breakfast

I make my lunch
I have food to make meals for tomorrow

No traffic jam in the kitchen
I emptied the dishwasher

I wiped the bathroom sink
I made the bed

It took 20 minutes
Already Showered, dressed

It’s only 6:30
Make-up and Facebook

It’s a quarter to 8 already!
I have to do it again, tomorrow?

What’s in your ADHD? Is it anything like mine?

Will you tell me? Can I share your comments?

Sometimes I love my ADHD. How about you?

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Pavlovate and Getting to Gratitude

* Pavlovate: From Pavlov and salivate. The anticipation response to a signal that precedes a physiological response, e.g. the sound of the grinder produces response of desire for coffee sans the drool.

 Getting to Gratitude

Having alone time in the house can’t be beat, and I am glad my husband, Ken,  has some when I work on the weekends. In spite of the fact that I enjoy the people I work with lately I notice myself complaining about working on Sundays.  When I start complaining about one thing it is usually something else.

I know how to complain, why I complain, and how it works for me.   I know I complain to avoid my real feelings, and how to work it through.   When the question is: Is it live or is it memory? it’s usually something in my head and I have to access my Memory Folder.

Normal people probably refer to this as memory, but my ADHD requires me to give this cognitive structure a more technical label.   Whatever you call it, it’s a pain when stuff get piled up, misfiled or never filed.   When I seem scattered I probably am.

Back to the memory.  Find the S Folder.  Looking for Sunday…Schedule…School …Shoulds…No Sunday folder -must be archived.  Since I am here, I look at the “Shoulds” file.  Wow.  The “should” files used to require a whole cabinet, now it’s down to only one drawer.   On the next purge,  I just may re-purpose some of them or just rename them.  Maybe not.   I don’t have to think about that now, I just know I can’t rid of all of my “shoulds.”

Humans need ”shoulds” to keep the species going or to just keep them from running into traffic.   Can you imagine an adult with the “shoulds” of an 18 month old?  I am reminded of a contrary inmate I interviewed, a 21 year-old father of a three-year-old boy who told me: “I would rather have my son ‘stand up for ‘his self’ than give in,  even to me.”   Yikes! Babies having babies.

This is what happens to me I start to work on one thing and go off on an tangent; get distracted.  Inconsistent routine and fatigue are big contributors.  Sundays and “shoulds” are not in the same location in my brain anymore. Years of Sundays are collapsed into abstracts.   Caution.   Always proceed with caution when reading abstracts.   The smaller size can belie the power of the content.   Add that to the fact that negative content tends to be much more concentrated; and so reconstitution can be toxic.

I start to overuse metaphors when stuff is not pleasant.  I must have gotten too close to toxic content going through abstracts because I  randomly think, “ It’s easier to work with the stain of loneliness because you can see it and do something about it.”    Man,  stain sounds like a laundry problem – and I hate laundry problems.  Why am I complaining about laundry?  I answer myself, “If  loneliness somehow gets woven into the whole of your fabric, it takes much more time to unravel. ”  I tell myself  this an awful lot of hard work and it seems pointless …isn’t this in the past? Just keep writing through the muck,  stop trying to sound smart and get out of that folder!

Is it true that you eventually learn who you are, what to keep and what to discard?  Being balanced is an ongoing process.  I  don’t want to relive feelings of the past; I don’t need to that.  I just don’t want to accidentally discard or misplace a good thought that I might need one day – when I am old.

I know it seems like I got distracted from looking for the Sunday folder, but I got to the root of a problem. There it was in a sub file , in the Sunday folder,  in the loneliness file, a shared sub file with the Fear Folder: Loneliness on Sunday.

Update the system!

My Sundays are not lonely anymore; they don’t need to be avoided or complained about.  Make gratitude the default folder.

Thank you.

This blog was originally posted in 2009 “Brilliant Blither and Blather” Random ideas and stuff I make up.

Been here? Let’s hear.

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Earlier, sun was shining on my desk as I wrote my very first bethwords post   It was about coffee. Delicious coffee. Maple syrup. Buddy the Elf. ADHD.

I forgot to save it.  Looked for a coffee quote. Found out Nora Jones said, “Coffee gives me bad breath.” That sounded right, so copied it to paste into my post, clicked the ” on the tool bar,  post disappears. 

What!  I feel drained. It’s cold and too late in the morning for the sun to still be shining through the window. The coffee and the maple syrup rush is gone.

This sucks, but I know  I can’t be the only one this ever happened to.  Right?

Write me. Alright? All right.